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Nobody told me there'd be days like these


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#1 ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:38 PM

Strange days indeed.

 

So here's what's been going on in my life.  I wasn't going to talk about this here, because it smacked too much of self-indulgent whining, but I could do with a little self-indulgent whining at the moment.  I can always erase it later.

 

For the past month, I have been sharing my apartment with my former Little Brother, now 26, and his girlfriend, 25.  More about them in a moment, but first some relevant details of my apartment:

 

It's just about 400 square feet.  430, to be precise, but 30 of that is bathroom and a short pseudo-hallway connecting the two main rooms.  The first of these is the combination living room/kitchen (like a kitcheonette in a studio), which is 15' x 10.5' (4.6m x 3.2m).  This is where they are living, with all their stuff, on my fold-out sofa bed.  The other room, at 15' x 14.75' (4.6m x 4.5m) is my bedroom.  It is connected to the living room/kitchen by the aforementioned short (4'/1.2m) hallway, creating a broad U-shaped floorplan.  There is no door to my bedroom, it's all open.  And the bathroom is off my bedroom.  All in all, not a good setup for this many people, especially if one of them values his goddam solitude. 

 

Must... control... fist of death...

 

There's a lot of backstory to why they're living with me, but the bottom line is simply that they have literally nowhere else to go.  He lost his full-time job back around Thanksgiving, and has not been able to get anything steady since then.  Not for lack of trying, and not for lack of taking any demeaning, under-the-table short-term gig that came up.  But they hit a dry spell where even those were getting hard to find, they fell back on the rent, etc., etc., and they ended up essentially getting evicted (technically they left voluntarily; the landlord did not want it going to court because the place was riddled with bedbugs so he waived their back rent and let them go).  Oh, did I mention they had a baby in February?  And that they already had a seven-year-old (the product of a previous relationship and not Mark's biological son, but he has raised him since he was a toddler and the boy calls him Daddy)?  Yeah, those.

 

So they ended up at Mark's mother's house, about 45 minutes away from me in Tewksbury, Massachusetts, a suburb of the regionally infamous Lowell, Mass, a former mill city with a long and colorful history of being a shithole.  Jack Kerouac came from Lowell.  The movie The Fighter took place there.  I add this information partly as background, and partly (to anyone familiar with the region) to paint a picture of the type of character Mark is.  He's a Lowell street kid, complete with the accent (similar to the Boston accent you hear in movies like Ted).

 

Anyway, Mark's mother's house was not a good place to be.  For one, there are WAY too many people, including Mark's mother (a smoke-stained, foul-mouthed borderline who sponges off the system while ranting and raving about "niggers" on welfare), her husband (a jackass of a man who looks like he was cloned from a toad) his 23-year-old "little" brother (an enormously obese layabout and mamma's boy), the brother's girlfriend, and four younger sisters ranging in age from 12 to 16.  The 16-year-old has state involvement, has run away, tangled with the law, etc.  There are three bedrooms in this house, to which were added Mark, his girlfriend, and the two kids, all sleeping in the living room. 

 

As you might expect, it didn't take long for this to break down.  When they finally got kicked out, the mother called the police to report them for living in their car with the kids and having drugs on them (some weed and Vicodins that the mother herself had given them).  So the kids got taken away by the Department of Children and Families (DCF) and they got arrested and charged with misdemeanor possession (a fine, but not one they cannot afford right now) and have to jump through a number of hoops to get their kids back.

 

Two of those hoops are getting jobs and an apartment.  They both have jobs now, finally.  She took a job at McDonald's, which was easy enough.  He had a harder time, but finally landed a regular job with a roofing company.  But they both only just started (her two weeks or so ago, he a few days ago), so neither will see a check for a while.  So I can't let them starve.  And I'm not going to eat while they just sit there.  So basically I've been supporting two extra people for a month.

 

It's getting a little old.

 

Someone look up justifiable homicide.





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#2 Daniel P

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 05:22 PM

Why I am reading this as a tragic comedy. My brain is burnt.

 

 

I am in a same boat but It my little brother and my dad. For someone who "reportedly" makes 36K always tries to bum me twice a mouth. It kinda funny/sad they know where I go and they meet up in store just to get money. They say they will pay me back but nope they still owe me about 400 dollars.

 

 

It's getting a little old.

 

Someone look up justifiable homicide.

Sorry I can't give advice on justifiable homicide. :oops:

 

IT can get old very fast. I kinda afraid Mark's mother's house daily life is. :eek:

 

 

Two of those hoops are getting jobs and an apartment.  They both have jobs now, finally.  She took a job at McDonald's, which was easy enough.  He had a harder time, but finally landed a regular job with a roofing company.  But they both only just started (her two weeks or so ago, he a few days ago), so neither will see a check for a while.  So I can't let them starve.  And I'm not going to eat while they just sit there.  So basically I've been supporting two extra people for a month.

 

At least that is good news.


Edited by Daniel P, 19 April 2014 - 05:26 PM.


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#3 Chancellor Gunn

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 10:33 PM

So our plans for sex for this weekend are...?

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#4 ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 07:45 AM

They're out of the house for Easter!  Going to the crazy mother's house!  I have my apartment to myself for a few hours!  :D



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#5 ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 07:47 AM

Turns out you can't just kill people for driving you nuts and slowly, although unintentionally, bleeding you dry.  Stupid "laws."



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#6 the rebel

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 12:54 PM

Turns out you can't just kill people for driving you nuts and slowly, although unintentionally, bleeding you dry.  Stupid "laws."

 

Accidents do happen.... :secret:



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#7 ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 01:21 PM

*sigh*

 

Nah, I just have to ride it out.  He's got a roofing job now, should be making decent money.  They have a bunch of shit to pay off, but between them they should be bringing in like $600 a week with very few expenses.  They could theoretically have $2,000 in a month, and that would be enough to get them an apartment, especially if they qualify for some kind of assistance.  But that's best case.  And things are never best case with these two.

 

I don't know how to say it, because I love the kid almost as if he were my own, but he's kind of a dumbass.  Don't get me wrong, he means well, and he's genuinely good-hearted, but he just makes stupid, bad decisions.  When his back is against the wall, he inevitably slips back into the only way he knows how to make money, which is dealing small-time drugs.  And EVERY time it gets him in trouble.  And that was the case here: they were caught with a small amount of drugs on them, which were no doubt intended for sale so they could make $50 to buy diapers and baby formula.  That's the reality of the small-time drug dealer, or at least of this one.  It's not The Wire, and it's certainly not Breaking Bad.  But it's all this uneducated (GED) Lowell street kid who grew up in institutions knows how to do.  He hates himself for it, I see it in his eyes and I hear it when he cries quietly to himself at night when he thinks no one is listening.  But what would you do?  I don't know how to answer that.  And other than "Come crash at my place," which is where we're at now, there's usually not much I can tell him. 

 

Having them here, and trying to help keep them propped up before this, has been a huge financial drain on me, to the point where I'm basically broke.  They know this.  I don't think she really cares, but I know it kills him.  It kills him to ask me for money, which is why he does stupid shit like try to peddle his mother's Vicodins.  But that's the vicious circle.

 

Which brings us back to square one.  If the weather holds, and he works every day (roofing is all dependent on the weather; you can't roof in the rain), he will make around $500 a week.  She works at McDonald's part-time, and when all is said and done probably won't clear more than $150 a week.  The truth is she doesn't really want to work, but it was a stipulation of them staying here, and I think she feels guilted into it.  But she did everything she could to avoid it, first by being really picky about hours, then by taking a job only to have a better one be offered and switch to THAT job instead.  This happened twice:  A sub shop to Dunkin' Donuts, then DDs to McDonald's.  Why she likes working at McDonald's best is beyond me, but I guess it's just what she knows.  But when they get the kids back she qualifies for a year of full support (i.e. welfare) to stay home with the baby.  It annoys me that she treats it like some kind of white trash lottery, but on the other hand she is a good mom (I've seen her in action) and would genuinely make a good homemaker (she obsessively neatens and organizes my apartment, for example).  Since they would also likely qualify for housing assistance, once everything was set and in place they could easily get by on Mark's salary, assuming he can hold some job (roofing is seasonal, after all) that brings in $500 a week, or about $26k a year. 

But that's once everything is up and running.  GETTING it up and running is the tricky part.



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#8 Thrash

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 04:45 PM

Go buy a house.



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#9 ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 05:54 PM

I don't have any money to buy a house.



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#10 Thrash

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 06:07 PM

What's the matter? Can't live the American Dream under Obama?



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#11 Daniel P

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 06:49 PM

What's the matter? Can't live the American Dream under Obama?

 

The houses around where he lives is quite expensive. Around Rural Virginia it is pretty cheap. And also The Cost of living where Jorost Lives is High compare to other people.


Edited by Daniel P, 20 April 2014 - 06:51 PM.


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#12 The Dark Empire

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 10:55 PM

They sound like genuinely good people so help them out as long as you can Jorost. Hang in there!



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#13 ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 07:48 AM

To answer Thrash's question:  No, I can't live the American dream under Obama any more than I could live it under Bush or Clinton or the elder Bush (although I was pretty young back then so it probably doesn't count).  I do okay, but I don't make a butt-ton of money (just about $60k last year) and I live alone in a fairly expensive region of the country.  Last I saw, the Boston area was #3 on the list of most-expensive places to live in the United States, after New York City and San Francisco.

 

Now, I don't live in Boston proper, but thirty miles north, in a region called (appropriately enough) the North Shore.  If you saw the film The Departed you might remember Mark Wahlberg making fun of Leonardo di Caprio's character for growing up on the "lah-di-dah" North Shore.  That's me.  :)  The median home price in my neighborhood, according to Zillow, is $389,000.  To buy a house in that price range would take around $80,000 in cash for the down payment (and associated fees), and would have a monthly payment of around $2,000, assuming a good interest rate, etc.  All of that is well outside my price range unless I were to get married and have two incomes.  And that is not going to happen!



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#14 ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 11:06 AM

Oh, and as to this...

 

So our plans for sex for this weekend are...?

 

I am so out of your league, Nas.  :P



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#15 Redezra

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 09:31 PM

So, what have you learnt Jorost?



#16 ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 10:40 PM

Never form unprofitable emotional attachments?



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#17 Redezra

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Posted 22 April 2014 - 12:21 AM

Yes :D



#18 Imperator

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 10:24 AM

It's bad to hear about both your situation in supporting them and theirs. I mean no offence when I say their situation based on the back-story you gave is fucked up. :(



#19 ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 06:39 PM

The backstory is even more complicated than that!  But yeah, it's a mess.  And at least they're working.  It's just frustrating because they have so many backed up bills and stuff do that their first month's pay is basically gone the moment they get it.  And he's doing roofing, which is weather dependent — and the weather looks uncooperative all next week.



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Posted 20 May 2014 - 08:46 AM

Update:  Ugh.  Where to begin?

 

Last week Mark had a minor medical incident at his job.  His body started shaking uncontrollably and his arms and legs were in searing pain.  He also couldn't straighten his fingers.  His boss thought he was dehydrated and gave him some Gatorade, but it didn't help, so he ended up going to the emergency room.  They gave him muscle relaxants and pain medication and the episode passed, but they never figured out exactly what was happening other than to say it was some kind of neuropathy (a fancy way of saying nerve pain).  I think he probably was dehydrated after all — he had been drinking water all day, which probably diluted the electrolytes in his system and caused the reaction, and by the time he got the Gatorade it was too late for it to do much good.  But that's just a guess.

 

The next day he felt better but his boss made him stay home (without pay).  He went to work again after that, but said the boss was riding him all day and making comments about how he doesn't think Mark can "handle" roofing work.  A few minutes ago he called me from the work site (they happen to be roofing a house right next to my school) and said he can feel it starting to happen again.  If it does he is afraid he will lose his job.

 

He probably will.  He works for a roofer, but the way that works is that he is basically an independent sub-contractor, meaning that he has no benefits, no insurance, etc.  If he falls off that roof and gets hurt it would open the roofer up to all sorts of lawsuits.  He's not going to want that kind of liability.  So Mark will probably soon be jobless again.  EDIT:  As I was typing this I got a call that someone was at the front desk for me.  It was Mark.  He was fired.

 

Speaking of jobs, Mark's girlfriend Kaitlin just changed hers again, this time to the deli at the local grocery store.  It's about the same hours and money (still only part time), but it's a slightly nicer place to work, but I don't think that's the reason she made the switch.  They've been with me long enough now that I've started to figure her out.  I think she changes jobs so often so she can be "in training" for a couple of weeks and have less responsibility.  If all goes according to pattern by the end of June she should be changing jobs again.

 

All of this is superimposed over their ongoing situation with the Department of Children and Families (DCF).  They require Mark and Kaitlin to be present for certain visits, meetings, etc., all in Lowell (30 miles away) and all during normal business hours (i.e. Monday-Friday 9-5).  They make no accommodation for the fact that the people they deal with usually don't have the kinds of jobs where you can just take time off whenever you need it.  And the trips to Lowell themselves are expensive, around $20 in gas every time, which might not sound like a lot, but it is when you have nothing.  But DCF doesn't care.  It's like the system is designed to screw the poor.  Right now the agency is on their case because they're supposed to be in Lowell today, but they have no money and no gas.

 

And on top of everything else, their car is badly in need of a brake job and a tune-up.

 

Over the past twelve months I have spent around $5,000 all told trying to keep them afloat.  Not all at once, of course, but in dribs and drabs, $25 here, $100 there, etc., etc.  Death by a thousand paper cuts.  It really is amazing how expensive it is to be poor in America.  I sure as hell can't afford it!

 

I cannot see a good way out of this.



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