130 replies to this topic

[The Dark Empire]

So I'm 17 and I've never had a relationship with a girl. Mainly because I haven't been too interested until recently. Over the summer I was on vacation and stuff but once school started I started to like this girl. Her name is Cailley. She is very sweet and has a great personality. She is short and very cute. The thing is I can't read her body language and her thoughts at all. Usually I can tell with most girls, I'm really perceptive like that I guess. I can easily tell who likes who, what someone is thinking about, if someone is hiding something, if someone is creeped out, that kind of stuff. This girl I can't.

So here's me. I'm tall (5'11 and still growing) I'm lean but I'm not skin and bones so I consider myself quite muscular for my lean size. I've got brown hair which is more like a dirty blonde. I have slate blue eyes and a dash of freckles. I have an angular jaw with good cheek bones. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think I'm ugly or anything but a guess more on the handsome and boyish side.

My personality is very unique if I do say so myself. I am very passionate about my music so I have an image of being the British rocker kid. Most of the school has seen me on stage and knows this. I'm a very kind and considerate person. This is because I am very perceptive like I said before so I know how to talk to people and make them feel better. I guess I'm a little bit too much of the "nice guy" which I don't think is a big problem. I'm also very independent and I'm a leader and not a follower. I often control the conversations I'm in and people look to me when a leader is needed for a group or in marching band. I don't feel the need to follow a group of girls around like a puppy, I kind of do my own thing.

My problem is that when it comes to a girl I like I get a little shy. Especially when I think she doesn't feel the same way about me. That's what I feel about Cailley. She confuses the hell out of me. I've had conversations with her before but they have never been very intense and long. Usually I only really talk to her in a group because I'm worried if I just stop her in the halls or talk to her in class I'll give away too much and turn her off. When I do talk to her we have constant eye contact. Sometimes she looks into my eyes when she is talking the group. But then there are days I can't get anywhere by talking to her. Then sometimes she just randomly talks to me. I'm like what the **** why can't I figure you out already.

I've kind of backed off my flirting for now to reevaluate my situation. I'm waiting for a clear signal that let's me know she is into me but I haven't picked up on it yet. I've kind of just been doing my thing. I'll talk to her if needed or if she talks to me but I won't push to talk to her. I don't want to have one way conversations I want her to want to talk to me like I want to talk to her. I'm not moving forward until this happens.

Lately I've noticed her watching me when I walk past. But I can't read her face and her thoughts. She masks it too well.

I think I have a chance even though she may be a little out of my league because she has had more experience in relationships. I'm trying to become a little more muscular to maybe catch her eye a little more and get her attention with my physical appearance then woo her with my wit and charm. I find I can do this to all the other girls but her.

AHHHHHRHHHHHGGGGGG

Help me someone

[PrinceVegeta]

I will say, you are quite positive about yourself. Which is good. Most women like a positive guy. (This coming from a very negative guy)
Now you know my stance on relationships, but, since you've never experienced one, I believe I could help you out, and I'll go about in the following.

From your physical description. You're HAWT.
Shouldn't be hard for you to woo her physically. However, don't try so hard to do it that way, I'm sure you know there's a thing called "a little too much". It's a battle of the teases. Who can be subtle yet still give that tease that you and her both want. And, for what I know of my generation, the girl usually wins. So don't try to out beautify her.

Now, for your mentality during this. Being shy is normal. No matter who says what, being a little shy is never a bad thing, being too shy can give way to weakness. No woman (Unless she's a dominatrix) wants a weak man. The man has to be mentally strong. You have to be straight forward when you're talking too her. No beating around the bush, that gives way to doubt, and you don't want that. Try your hardest not to stutter, that's a sign of weakness as well. Now some may think it's cute, but I'd try not to experiment too much with stuttering. Keep your voice at a reasonable tone...No woman (Unless she's a submissive little thing) likes a man yelling at her. Don't be too quiet and timid also.

When it comes to meeting with her, at least once or twice a day is fine. Relationships (If you want one to last) take a while to build. You gotta take it slow. Now if you want something that will last maybe a month then you go ahead and do that, but, most sane people want a lasting relationship, no matter what they say. (Except for me, I want no part in that. )

Don't pride yourself too much. Sure you can read people who you don't like that way, but there's a thing with the people you do fall for, that sorta messes with your thoughts. You think of them differently, so it's complicated to read them, until of course, you become absolutely comfortable with her, which takes time. Instead of trying to read her, ask her questions, but NOT TOO MANY. You don't want to be a survey. Like for example, if she's swaying back and forth, politely ask: "Is something wrong?" Keep smiling. If she likes you, she'll give you short answer most likely, if not that's okay. Short usually is her saying, "You know why ".

Next lesson: BE FUNNY! You gotta entertain her. Have fun. Like with the swaying thing. If she starts swaying, you start swaying, and just smile. It makes things a LOT less awkward when you add some humor.

And that's all I got for you. Now, this is based on the way our generation runs. Albeit, it's MUCH easier now to get into a relationship then years ago, because the fads are different, and women want different things from men and vice versa. Sorta explains the failed attempts of young love. But I am confident in you. YOU GOT THIS!

[The Dark Empire]

Thanks for the advice it really helps.

So far we mainly interact on our bus to marching band competitions and stuff. So far it has been good but her manner with me is incredibly inconsistent. Sometimes she sees me and says "Hi Jamie how are you doing" and then we talk a little. But this week she pretty much ignored me as far as saying hi and stuff. Is he playing hard to get? Usually she joins in on a conversation I'm in but this week she kind of just put on her headphones and sat quietly by herself. This leads me to think she is a little bit shy herself. Then we get off the bus and she asks me if she can be my two then ends up going with a friend of hers (a girl thank God). Then she turns to me and sings zombie nation. Then as the band goes onto the field I say good luck (I'm hurt right now and can't march) and she practically jumps out of line and says thanks Jamie. Then we get back on the bus and she tells me she wants Chinese food. I mention hibachi and then she kind of drifted away almost as if she was thinking about something. The rest of the night she completely ignores me. I couldn't start a lasting conversation at all.

I don't think she thinks about me but I think she sees me more as one of several options. She is definitely looking at all her options because like I said she is very pretty and she knows it. However she has a cruel side and she often talks badly to her friends about guys who are doing everything for her. I don't want to end up as a joke in her clique of girlfriends, you know.

Maybe she is shy just like me and she is ignoring me because she knows I like her and she likes me. I haven't been obvious or anything but maybe she can just tell. I hope this doesn't mean she is leading me on because I would much rather be leading her on.

Oh yeah I had a tough guy moment with her yesterday when I crutched a 100 meter sprint against my friends who were power walking. Her group of friends stopped and watched us. She didn't say anything though so that was a downer.

Edited by The Dark Empire, 21 October 2012 - 02:12 PM.

[PrinceVegeta]

Hmm based on that. She's either play hard to get or she may be shy. If she talks to you one week and not the next, it's either one of 4 things. She wants you to come to her, and talk to her instead of her doing it. She may want to know if you're outgoing and can start a convo out of the blue. Secondly, she could be shy and maybe she likes you, and she may not think you like her. Thirdly, maybe something happened recently that got her down, and maybe she needs someone to comfort her..

Then there's the last one which you don't want, which is FRIEND ZONED. She may not like you, like you like her, and she may just see you as a friend.

You know just as well as I do that many of the "Good" guys get friend zoned. I'm not saying change your act. Don't act like a bad ass and expect a happy ending. Usually bad asses have to be bad enough to take a a breakup easily, since of course, it happens to them a lot.

But as I said before, only time will tell. Keep up what you're doing, and don't run into anything before you know what's going on.

[The Dark Empire]

Yeah, like I said I backed off a little. Usually I am the conversation started but I had trouble this week.

I guess the main reason why I'm nervous and such because I was led on by a girl the last time I liked someone. She acted like she liked me, invited me to movies with her, then when I asked her out she told me she liked me but she had a boyfriend. From then on I was pissed because I actually genuinely thought she liked me and it would work. I was misled. She probably did like me but she wanted to stay committed to a boyfriend or something. It just really put me down and hurt my confidence a little. But now I'm ready to get back in the game.

I'm not obsessed but I do care about girls I like. So this time I want to be careful. The hard things with girls at my school is that they often go to camps over the summer and have long distance relationships. I'm worried there could be one, you know. Sometimes things are too good to be true.

I'm just going to do my thing, and see if she is interested. I'm going to try and get bigger, a little physical improvement does no harm. I don't want to be a cocky asshole but I'll try and act more like a cool guy than the careful nice guy.

[PrinceVegeta]

Ahh damn. I know that feel. xD

That's what happens to most nice guys. They get screwed over, and then the women have the nerve to say all guys are assholes. Which is my main reason for disliking relationships. lol

But yeah, hang in there.

[The Dark Empire]

Ahh damn. I know that feel. xD

That's what happens to most nice guys. They get screwed over, and then the women have the nerve to say all guys are assholes. Which is my main reason for disliking relationships. lol

But yeah, hang in there.

Yeah I'll try

And even though girls can be bitches it's always nice when someone cares about you

[Jon32492]

PV gave a lot of good advice but something I consistantly thought throughout the time I was reading this was something pv mentioned only briefly.

Secondly, she could be shy and maybe she likes you, and she may not think you like her.

If you guys have been talking for awhile now, you've noticed her watching you in the hallways, it sounds like she's interested but she's waiting on you to make a move. Since you haven't, she thinks you aren't interested and is upset by that wondering why you aren't interested in her. That's just my guess.

Also, the friend zone is not ALWAYS a failure. I met the girl I'm currently going out with in 9th grade, first day of high school. We were friends throughout high school and I always knew she liked me but I wasn't really into her. Our senior year we started hanging out more, went to a couple of parties, and about a month AFTER graduation, I finally asked her out. That was almost 2 and a half years ago and we are making plans to spend our whole lives together.

Long story short, we were friends for 4 years before we ever started dating and I think we are partners for life.

But there were a couple of girls I got into the friend zone with, liked, asked out, and they turned me down.

[PrinceVegeta]

Well yeah I will say, it's not a 100% failure all the time. But it takes a certain attitude to get the friend zone thing and work it out to that. Jon did the barely possible.

[Ellis]

PV gave a lot of good advice but something I consistantly thought throughout the time I was reading this was something pv mentioned only briefly.

Secondly, she could be shy and maybe she likes you, and she may not think you like her.

If you guys have been talking for awhile now, you've noticed her watching you in the hallways, it sounds like she's interested but she's waiting on you to make a move. Since you haven't, she thinks you aren't interested and is upset by that wondering why you aren't interested in her. That's just my guess.

Yeah, this is what I was thinking Remember, if she likes you, and from what I read in your first post, I'd say she does, she's probably as nervous as you are about screwing up. But yeah, keep doing what you're doing, just interact with her as much as possible, and don't be afraid to drop some hints that you're interested in her, because someone has to make the first move, right?

[The Dark Empire]

Her car got tacked too. So...tomorrow I will swoop in and offer to check her tires. Hopefully she will say yes and see that I'm a boss

[PrinceVegeta]

Hmm...is it just you two?

Perhaps someones got a master plan.

Never mind, just saw in your other thread. Well, that person just gave you a good way to talk with her more.

[The Dark Empire]

Maybe after I help her ill ask her for a reward. Maybe a peck on the cheek. Maybe not but that would be a great ice breaker.

[Haflinger]

You sound completely normal btw. Don't worry about it too much, by the time you're 30 you'll know more about relationships than you really want to most likely. Just try and enjoy them while you have no idea what's going on.

But do relax. Being shy is normal and some girls find it attractive but it's really uncomfortable and the faster you get over it the better.

[Manoka]

1. Find the prettiest thing in a 6.5 mile radius

2. Buy it

3. Bring it to her

4. ...?


Profit.

[PrinceVegeta]

Lol. ^

[Jon32492]

the faster you get over it the better.

this.

EDIT: opps, I misread the quote above. I thought it said the faster you get it over with, the better. lol. it's still very true.

[The Dark Empire]

Yeah

[ᗅᗺᗷᗅ]

Women -- well, all people, really -- like confidence. They say they like to see a man's soft, sensitive side, and to an extent that's true. But it's a fine line, because you don't want to appear weak or needy. You have to want to be with them, but not too much. You have to make them work for it a little. It's a complex and often frustrating game.

Or you could do the Sean Connery method:

[The Dark Empire]

Ok so I talked to her more today but it didn't really get anywhere as far as flirting and teasing goes. She doesn't really seem anything. I can't really tell like I said. I've been talking with my friends and they say I should take it slow and become more of her friend. This is hard because in High School there are groups and each group is small and close and let's just say if someone switched groups and joins a new group some people get weird ed out. For example, my one friend tried to go around with this group on a field trip instead of going with us and he basically creeped them all out. He still tries but he has no chance. It is kind of pathetic. So I have to take it slow. Although I can't follow them around I do interact with them.

Just got to take it slow. Then become more bold. I'm not ready to go all in yet.

Edited by The Dark Empire, 22 October 2012 - 01:22 PM.