Yesterday, after work, I stopped at a convenience store to grab a Snapple and a snack. This particular store is also a gas station, so there aren't a lot of parking spaces if you're not getting gas. I parked in one directly in front of the air machine (for inflating your tires) and went in.
I came out a few moments later to find a large pickup truck parked next to me and a man getting ready to put air in his front tire. He was middle aged, maybe in his 50s, slightly portly, wearing a dark blue coverall. He was kind of in my way, but I was able to open my door without bumping him and squeeze inside my car.
I started up the engine, and got ready to back out, but he was still standing between the two cars, moving to the rear tire. So I waited a few seconds, assuming he'd move out of the way or at least squeeze up against his truck to make room. But he didn't. Instead he started waving me on in an irritated way and saying "Well come on, go, go!" It still seemed a little close, but he was being a dick about it, so I started backing out slowly. Too slowly, evidently, for him, because he kind of leaned into my window, made a mocking "chewing" motion (I was eating crackers at the time) and generally gesticulated to indicate that I was not moving fast enough for his liking. Frankly it probably would have pissed me off except for the fact that he was just chubby and goofy enough looking that it seemed kind of amusing.
So I put down the window and said, "You know, I was trying not to hit you."
He snapped back, "I know what you were doing. You wouldn't want to hit a retired cop."
I'm not sure what it was about him that he thought made it clear to observers that he was a retired cop. The paunch? The dull-witted set to his expression? The blue coveralls? Sadly, his thinking on this matter will forever remain a mystery. I guess he thought I was supposed to be impressed or something.
"I wouldn't want to hit anyone," I replied.
Then he said something that continues to puzzle me. I'm not sure if I have the exact wording correct, but it amounted to "Oh, did you learn that at Harvard?" He said it angrily, like I thought I was better than him or something.
Huh?!? Do you have to go to Harvard to know not to run people down in the street? I guess he must have assumed that I was some sort of entitled, upper-class spoiled person, but I'm not sure why. I drive a three-year-old Suzuki hatchback, not an Audi or a BMW or something like that. I was dressed pretty averagely in jeans and a fleece jacket. There is absolutely nothing on or in my car to suggest that I went to Harvard.
He looked pretty self-satisfied at that point, having struck a blow for the proletariat. Unfortunately I think my next reaction kind of took the wind out of his sails. I just burst out laughing.
I couldn't help it. It was just so RIDICULOUS. So, laughing, I pulled out and drove away.
